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The Student News Site of Archbishop Mitty High School

The Monarch

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The Student News Site of Archbishop Mitty High School

The Monarch

The Student News Site of Archbishop Mitty High School

The Monarch

Stanley Cups’ newest, Christmas coded launch of leakage-prone, lead-containing tumblers.

WE LOVE STANLEY CUPS!

Ellen Son, Laura Noel Mathews, and Ali Allarde December 8, 2024
We’ve all seen the gloriously aesthetic Stanley Cups toted across campus by everyone and anyone. That’s because Stanley Cups the world’s best water-bottle, EVER. Don’t believe us? Read on.
Legally-obtained MRI scan of a teenager infected with the "brainrot epidemic." That's not very skibidi, is it?

Thou Art a Rizzler

Manvik Johar December 2, 2024

There is a blinding flash of light from which enters a middle aged man of average height and build. Wearing a sumptuously embroidered velvet doublet, a pronounced collar, peach breeches, and a brown hose,...

Love: A Comprehensive Guide by an Inexperienced Student

Yoonwon Jo, Staff Writer December 2, 2024

“My dad once told me, 'If you really like someone, being friends with them would be better than dating them. I was too young to understand then, but I think I get it now.'” As the great Instagram says,...

Hallway traffic? Nah, this is actually a golden opportunity.

Stop Blocking the Way

Jonathan Chen, Staff Writer October 9, 2024
During any free time or passing period, masses of students swarm the walkways, perfectly blocking paths and hallways maze-like. This creates rather awkward situations. Do you yell at them or calmly request that they step aside? Plow straight through or go around? Is it worth getting upset about the accumulating seconds they take from your life? 
Overwhelming data states that In Vitro is the latest possible start date. Clearly, this image hasn't gotten the memo.

College App Advice for Underclassmen

Naomi Carvalho, Editor-in-Chief May 1, 2024
Editor-in-Chief Naomi Carvalho ‘24 breaks down the college app process with serious, pertinent advice.
Taylor Swift starring in her one and only rap video, T-Swizzle, featuring T-Pain. The video is now scrubbed from the Internet.

Taylor Swift, Deep Roasted

Anika Bhutani, Staff Writer April 25, 2024
Anika Bhutani '25 brings the heat in her deep roast of everybody's favorite chart-topper. Allegedly, it's the first sighting of flavor within a 500-mile radius of Taylor Swift.
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