A Friendly Roast of Taylor Swift’s Midnights

Die-hard fans Nicole Hartman and Ellie Fasoli (’24) banter while reviewing Taylor Swift’s most recent album.

A Friendly Roast of Taylor Swift’s Midnights

Hello, we’re Nicole and Ellie. We’ve been Swiftie’s since Fearless (NOT Taylor’s Version) and Speak Now. Despite being about 3 and 4 years old when it came out, we could definitely bust some moves out for “You Belong with Me” and “Mean.” When Taylor announced Midnights at the VMA awards last September, it’s safe to say we lost our minds–seriously, you should have seen the texts. We watched her release the tracklist names, day-by-day with her little bingo machine, and over-analyzed every outfit she wore in the pre-Midnights era. So yeah, we’ve been on the edge of our seats for TS10. 

Now, the two of us could sit here and praise every song on Midnights, as one absolutely could for this album– but we want to add a twist and instead be critical for a change of pace. So, here we go!

The two of us clearly don’t see eye to eye on certain songs: 


Nicole: I have literally never quoted a song so much in my life. There are receipts. I literally put in an AP Lit assignment.

Ellie: I almost crashed my car listening to this song. 

Track 1: Lavender Haze

Nicole: It’s like if I Think He Knows met Euphoria and tried to make a club song. Personally, not my most favorite track on the album but the “…meet me at midnight…” got me really excited. 

Ellie: It definitely sets the tone for the rest of the album. The color scheme, the message– it is very Midnights. You know how the song is kind of bad at times but also good? Well, that’s Midnights for you! Just kidding, it’s probably on my top 3 driving songs of the album. On the strut scale: very strut-able.

Track 2: Maroon

Nicole: I don’t really understand the concept of how something scarlet can be maroon, but it sounds cool. I love when she goes into a lower octave after the bridge, and how it outlines a realistic relationship arc. 


Track 3: Anti-Hero

Nicole: What in the actual The 1975 is this? But I love this song, and I would love Taylor to laugh up at me from hell any day. I think it really showcases Taylor’s maturity when thinking about how her celebrity status has impacted her identity as a person. 

Ellie: I would be lying if I said this song didn’t catch me off guard at first listen, but I only say that because we have all gotten so used to Folklore Taylor. The chorus is definitely.. a chorus! Honestly, I think I wrote that chorus when I was a baby and thought I was a lyrical genius.

Track 4: Snow on the Beach ft. Lana Del Rey

Nicole: Dylan O’Brien got more of a feature playing drums than Lana did doing vocals, but this is my favorite song on the album. I love the strings plucking in the beginning and the beat drops make the listener feel as though they are being suspended in midair. 

Ellie: I love Lana del Rey, would have loved to hear her in the song!

Track 5: You’re Own Your Own, Kid

Nicole: The mood change in this track is fickle, but I’m here for it. It goes from you’re on your own, good luck, have a nice life, to, you got this! Have fun making friendship bracelets! Nonetheless, it’s one of my favorite Track number 5s. 

Ellie: I’ve been told that the Golden Gate Bridge is the best in the world, but I think the “experts” just have never listened to this song’s bridge. So perfect. Whatever Nicole wrote about this song is simply invalid. Best song on the album. 

Track 6: Midnight Rain

Nicole: RAIN! This song made me feel bad for Tom Hiddleston, but what was he going to do, she wanted the pain. Jack Antonoff really said, “Let’s put in so many synths that no one can tell that a boy being a montage doesn’t make any sense.” 

Ellie: Going to be honest, not a fan. I love the message though… I guess. I don’t know what to say about this song, maybe because it’s so irrelevant that I genuinely couldn’t care less. 

Track 7: Question…?

Nicole: Taylor, can I ask you a question? Is this song about Harry Styles? I wish it was faster, and the autotune in the bridge felt uncalled for, but in a fun, shocking, way. This is going to be the So It Goes of the album, only the real Swifties know that it’s a top 3 track. Also, why did she say fifteen seconds, when she had a perfect opportunity to say THIRTEEN seconds? ISTG. 

Ellie: Despite Nicole having stolen my joke for this review, I definitely could get sturdy to this song. Not much more to say. 

Track 8: Vigilante S**t 

Nicole: Taylor giving the FBI information on Scooter Braun and then writing a song about it was something that I never knew I needed. Turns out I didn’t need it, I don’t like this song. 

Ellie: Very millennial first line. But after all, we have to forgive Taylor: she did not choose the millennial lifestyle, it chose her. People are saying it should be on Reputation–but then it would ruin Reputation’s reputation of having no skips. 

Track 9: Bejeweled

Nicole: The production’s totally wack, feels like I’m getting shot in the head with a BB gun. Can we talk about the power move of saying that you don’t remember if you have a boyfriend? Taylor’s kinda toxic – but in a cool way. 

Ellie: You best believe I will stop whatever I am doing to dance to this song. Justice for Joe Alwyn in this song. It’s so sad that she doesn’t remember him as her boyfriend.  Joe, if you ever need someone to remember you, I am right here. 

Track 10: Labyrinth

Nicole: This is like if The Archer fell in love and asked Jack Antonoff to produce a slightly boring song about its feelings. The chorus makes this song; I feel like I’m actually in a plane that’s going down, but no one’s turning it around. 

Ellie: She actually conveys emotions so well in this song. I love it. What’s with that little noise in the middle of the chorus though? Would love to ask what the stylistic intention of the sound was. It really keeps me up at night. Very random–perplexing, one might say. 

Track 11: Karma

Nicole: I have literally never quoted a song so much in my life. There are receipts. I literally put in an AP Lit assignment. 

Ellie: I almost crashed my car listening to this song. Too catchy, and too real. It’s such a breath of fresh air and really itches a scratch in my brain. Karma may not be on our side after this review, but I guess you win some and you lose some. 

Track 12: Sweet Nothing
Nicole: If this is the first time Joe realized Taylor had a mind, then IDK why she’s so obsessed with him. The song shows how real love doesn’t expect real things, all it needs are sweet nothings. So cute. 

Ellie: Any song with Joe Alwyn is a song I support, even if it’s boring. Just kidding, this song is so cute. I love the way it’s written, in contrast to “Would’ve Could’ve Should’ve” in that she is in a relationship without a need to prove anything.

Track 13: Mastermind

Nicole: Ellie almost forgot this song. That says way too much about her. I love how Taylor wrote Invisible String and Paper Rings and then completely tore them apart in this song. And the fact that Joe knew the entire time, UGH. Also, the tidal wave of a synth, IYKYK.  

Ellie: I AM a mastermind. It’s me. Most relatable song ever. Don’t care about the strings attached in admitting this.