On average, it takes a domestic violence victim seven attempts to escape an abusive relationship. However, for Lily Bloom, the star of the movie It Ends With Us, it only takes one. Though marketed as a romance drama, the film, based on Colleen Hoover’s New York Times Best Seller, attempts to intertwine a blossoming romance with that of a domestic abuse survival story, in turn painting a potentially misleading and harmful narrative on the realities of breaking the cycle of abuse.
The film follows Lily Blossom Bloom (yes, that is her real name), who recently opened a flower shop in Boston. When Lily meets the charismatic and handsome Ryle, a successful neurosurgeon, they quickly get wrapped up in a whirlwind romance. However, as their relationship progresses, Ryle’s true nature begins to surface, leading to a series of events that raises questions about whether Ryle’s violent outbursts are accidental or deliberately meant to hurt Lily.
Oftentimes the presence of domestic violence isn’t apparent to the victims right away. One common early sign of domestic violence that the movie portrays particularly well is the initial ‘love-bombing’ Lily experiences. Love-bombing is a common tactic abusers use early in relationships to manipulate their partners.
In Ryle’s case, he performs many grand gestures, such as constant gifts and a surprise proposal, pursing Lily incessantly. However, once he has gained complete control over her, he gradually becomes possessive and violent.
He continuously pushes Lily’s boundaries, while manipulating her into believing his actions are innocent in order to not appear the villain.
However, the majority of the circumstances surrounding domestic violence portrayed in the film undermine the severity of most situations. For example, Lily’s support system, particularly the unwavering support of her first love, Atlas, is unrealistic. Most victims stay in abusive relationships because they believe they have no one to turn to, and if they leave their abuser, they will be completely alone. This is a real issue many women are forced to face and something the film glosses over. While Lily is fortunate enough to always have a place to go, this just simply isn’t the case for many survivors.
Furthermore, Ryle’s sister Alyssa encourages Lily to leave him after she confides in her about the abuse. This is a sweet and supportive moment in the film, but one that does not reflect the typical outcome of such a conversation. In reality, many women stay with abusive partners out of fear that those close to them will side with the abuser, and that they will be blamed for the abuse. Fortunately, this was not the case for Lily. However, the chances of Alyssa siding with Ryle, her own brother, would have been much greater compared to what actually happened in the film.
Additionally, Ryle is a sugar-coated portrayal of an abuser who ultimately respects Lily’s boundaries, making it easier for audiences to accept his character. When Lily finally makes the decision to leave Ryle, he does not attempt to reach out or stalk her. Ryle also accepts Lily’s request for a divorce with little to no hesitation. While this may be the ideal outcome of this situation, it ultimately misrepresents the reality of many abusive relationships. Lily’s easy escape from Ryle’s abuse emphasizes a dangerous misconception about domestic violence: that victims can easily leave their abusers. In fact, the Domestic Abuse Shelter Inc. finds that about 75 percent of all victims killed at the hands of their abusers were killed as they attempted to leave the relationship or after the relationship had ended.
Overall, while the movie does a good job of accurately depicting some realities faced by those in abusive relationships, it risks misleading audiences about the harsh realities survivors face when trying to leave their abusers. While Hoover aims to portray Ryle and Lily’s story in a realistic manner, she ultimately downplays the true danger that many real-life victimes encounter by romanticizing Lily’s journey and oversimplifying the process of escaping abuse.
However, the film does end on an uplifting note, as Lily begins a relationship with Atlas and forges a new life for her and her daughter, possibly serving as a beacon of hope for other domestic violence survivors.
Works Cited
https://www.pbs.org/newshour/show/disturbing-data-shows-how-often-domestic-violence-turns-deadly